In college, my summers were defined by running insane amounts of miles and then watching obscene amounts the Tour de France. We'd watch each entire stage as uncut as possible -- not the prime-time coverage geared toward an American audience where they replace the legendary Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen with the Jar Jar Binks-esque comedy relief commentary of Bob Roll. We loved the tour. As cross-country runners I think we found some kinship with another under-appreciated sport that relies more on endurance and pain tolerance than being talented at playing with balls of various shapes and sizes. My first couple summers also happened to be the last of the Armstrong years (not the The Phantom Menance comeback years, but the original "I win everything every time" years).
Even then, we weren't naive. We knew cheating was rampant in sports like running and cycling. I think a part of us always knew that Lance was a cheat, but it was easy enough to bury that thought. To "turn it off, like a light switch". Instead, we chose to be inspired. It was hard not to be. It was an amazing story. A spectacular story of human achievement and triumph against incredible odds. His battles up Alp d'Huez, his ruthless determination in time trials, it was everything that's great about sports. Then you add in the impossible-to-ignore backstory of his battle with cancer and you have something that even Hollywood would scoff at as being wildly unrealistic. Way too good to be true. And I guess that turned out to be the case.
Lance's confession didn't really change anything for me. Maybe it did for some people, but after I heard all the damning evidence that stripped him of his Tour wins and banned him for life from everything except a handful of pumpkin pushes I was firmly in the "Yup, he really did cheat to win all that stuff" crowd. I just wasn't sure how I felt about it all. It was a little more complicated than when someone like Barry Bonds, or Floyd Landis got busted. Lance's victories transcended sports. In some ways he was a super hero. He'd raised millions of dollars in the war against cancer -- surely that's still worth something. And he'd inspired countless cancer patients, families and anyone-with-a-heart. You can't un-inspire people after the fact. Right?
The truth is that I still don't know. Surely some of the things that Lance did, despite the cheating, are still inherently good. But undoubtedly the story is ruined. It was too good to be true. I think we all wanted to believe in Lance because we wanted to believe that through some combination of hard work and perseverance we can all "beat cancer". But that's not reality. The story, that we all wanted so badly to believe, was a lie.
You can say that since everyone was cheating, it was a level playing field and Lance is still a champion. There might even be some truth to it. But it doesn't change the fact that our hero was a cheater, and a liar, and a jerk. The story is ruined. The athletic accomplishments are still impressive. But the story is ruined. Trying to rationalize why we should still admire, respect, or even care about Lance Armstrong is just a symptom of wanting to hold onto a fabrication. It would've been really cool if the Lance saga we all wanted to believe was true. But it's not.
So while the things Lance did on a bike are still unquestionably impressive. And he's still one of the greatest athletes of my lifetime, he's no longer a hero. Heroes aren't allowed to have asterisks next to their accomplishments. Or be ego-maniacal cheating bullies -- that's like rule number one in the hero handbook. My Livestrong band, that I didn't take off for years, not even for my wedding pictures, is now in the garbage. The worst part is thinking about all the careers he's ruined. Anyone who ever questioned his legitimacy was ruthlessly attacked and dragged through the mud. That's the stuff that is truly unforgivable. Lance's lies went beyond just cycling. He destroyed people off the bike in the same way he did in the Alps. And I don't see how anyone can still respect him after that. I certainly don't.
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